The BLVD

My glass may no longer be full of alcohol as drinking has ceased for me these days, but in this new year my glass is now always full. There’s a constant thirst for life. I’m excited daily, when I think about talking to my family, seeing my friends, going to work, eating breakfast, sleeping…and waking up! The day excites me and that keeps things in perspective.

Because things feel as if they are constantly shifting, like chaos has been let out the house to have a field day. But now he cannot be gathered back inside. The streetlights have come on and he’s still not home. Every day there’s some news that could drag me down into the abyss, but then I remember that excitement is a part of hope’s palatability. And I remember that chaos has tools too. One being despair, who is eager to squash the complexities that are human emotions like the blunt end of a hammer to push for singularity.

Chaos thrives in disorder and confusion, builds and grows like an energy force waiting to steamroll us all. But then, one day, when it seems like “if it’s not one day it’s another”, I take a peek around the chaos and find clarity. That there is a way out, if not around then through. That there are those who are thriving in such disorder with the hope that most won’t. But the truth of the matter is sobering all the same. I’ve let them hammer me and hammer me, let them try to douse the fire of my hopefulness. But then I remember myself. 

I remember my complexities. I remember my excitement. I am reminded of my fight. I remember that chaos is controlled, but not by me, and that it was not I who opened the door. But it is my responsibility to regulate my reactions to the consequences. So I choose excitement. I choose Thirsty Thursdays again, not for bottomless margs at Happy Hour (I miss you), but that thirst for life.